How This Overthink Kills Me

Today
I see my phone screen (again, and for the umpteenth time). No messages. I keep thinking that he mad at me. I'm looking that phone screen, well, again. Should I ask him again? Or should not? It makes me freakin' out today. Makes me keep thinking what the hell did I do at the last time we talked, to be exact. I decided to ask him about it for the very last time. Yeah, this is the very last time, I said to myself.

Hey, I just wanna ask you somethin'. Are you mad at me?, I asked on whatsapp.

5 minutes later......no reply.

10 minutes..........same. Okay......maybe you already know the answer, I whispered at myself.

15 minutes. my phone give a whatsapp ring. Is it him? It is.
I'm on the beach, let's talk later.

Sigh. That no expression message again. Honestly I hate no expression message. Not really hate, but it makes me uncomfortable (except if I already know what character the person has). I know that everyone has their own character when they reply messages but he -who so rare to give me no expression message- sent me that message. Is something weird happen or is it just me, who's overthinking? I hope the answer is on the second choice.


The 3 days before today
I typed the message to him.
Got a free time? Let's vid call! :)

He replied.
Ok.

Then, you know what happen. We talked, we laughed and we saw each other. One thing that bothered me is I'm kinda bored on this. I mean, he ignored me many times. I knew that he did another things, but it made me feel....uncomfortable. yea, I'm bored of that thing. I lost my fun while vid-calling and I only starred at him and watched his activities. No talking. He was busy did another thing. Then, he came up with "I have rehearsal about an hour later" and I just said yes. (a bit complaining silently but yea, I can control it).
after an hour later, he finally said "it's the time. gotta go." and again, I just said okay. After he said okay and bye bye, I was instantly signed out on Skype and closed it. I also turned my PC off  and sigh. what was wrong with this?


The day before yesterday
I went home from campus and took a shower. One message appeared on my whatsapp. A friend. I saw our conversation accidentally. I touched it and read that again. I didn't know what thing that brought me up on Skype until I read a chat from him.

"That's not fair, N."

What? What was not fair? I recall the last time I had a conv with him and I thought there was nothing wrong with it. I was confused. What does it mean?
I grabbed my phone and typed a message for asking what happened. and on the Skype, too. I kept thinking what the hell did I do to him. Is it something bad? Is he mad at me?

An hour left. No reply.
Two or three hours left. Same. Wow.
A few hours later. Yeah! He read it. I had a positive thinking that he would reply it.
After a few hours left. No reply. Only read-already message. I began to wonder what happen.



Yesterday
I was worried. Why this thing crossed my mind is because last time I talked to him through Skype, he sent me "that's not fair, N." message. I was confused and was like "what did I do?"
he told me that he would be off to rehearsal and couldn't make it any longer till the next time we talk. and I agreed. I was signed out the Skype and closed it. what's wrong with that? It always makes me think what the hell wrong with it. I sent him a voice note to asked what happen. He replied it in a few hours later and saying "I'm not at home.".
That's it.
Yeah, only that four words.
No expression. I said sorry for that and still thinking what was wrong with him.
Sigh. Ohmy...